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Hiram Jones' Bet 



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Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Waiter & Jiafeer & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



Hiram Jones' Bet 



A Farce in One Act 



By 

MAY E. COUNTRYMAN 

Author of "Miss Partington," « The Rebellion 
of Mrs. Barclay" etc. 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
1915 






Hiram Jones' Bet 



CHARACTERS 

Hiram Jones. 

Mrs. Mai'^da Tripp. 

Miss Clorinda Lane. 




Copyright, 19 14, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 



NOV -6 1914 



TMP92-008938 



Hiram Jones' Bet 



SCENE. — Mrs. Matilda Tripp's sitting-room, plainly fur- 
nished. Doors, R. and l. Small rug, r. c. ; rocking- 
chair, L. ; other chairs disposed. 

Mrs. T. (sitting in rocking-chair, and is sewing). I don't 
see why Hiram don't come. I hope Johnny didn't forget to 
tell him. I don't want to sleep in this house another night 
without having that lock fixed. And I hope Hiram won't 
charge me too much, — he ought to remember that I'm a poor 
widow, with nobody to look after me but myself. I'll make 
him set his price before he begins, for there's no telling how 
much he'll charge me if I don't. 

Hiram Jones {knocking at door, "R., then looking in). Hello, 
Matildy ! Johnny said you wished I'd stop in and do a little 
work for you. 

Mrs. T. Land, Hiram, I didn't see you coming ! Come 
in, do, and don't stand there holding the door open. I ain't 
trying to heat all outdoors. 

Hiram (entering). Jehoshaphat, Matildy, 'tain't cold out 
to-day, and besides, I don't see as you've got much heat in 
here to warm up outdoors with. I see you ain't got your stove 
up yet. Is that what you wanted me to do? 

Mrs. T. No, it ain't, and I can heat this room all right 
from the kitchen so long's anybody doesn't stand holding the 
outside door open ! 

Hiram. Oh, excuse me, Matildy ! 

(Shuts the door carefully.) 

Mrs. T. When I do want it put up, my next door neighbor 
will do it for nothing. What I want you to do is to fix the 
lock on my kitchen door. Something's the matter with it so it 
won't lock. 

Hiram. Why don't your next door neighbor fix it for 
nothing ? 

3 



4 HIRAM JONES BET 

Mrs. T. He's tried, and he can't. 

Hiram. Couldn't he put on a bolt for you ? 

Mrs. T. What good would a bolt do when I want to lock 
it from the outside ? You go out in the kitchen and look at it, 
Hiram, and see how much you're going to charge me before 
you begin. You want to remember I'm a poor widow. 

Hiram {grinning'). Did you remind your next door neigh- 
bor that you're a poor widow? Let's see, he's a bachelor, 
ain't he? 

Mrs. T. (with dignity). You go along and look at that 
lock, Hiram, and don't try to be funny. And I can tell you 
one thing, my next door neighbor doesn't try to squeeze the 
last cent out of a poor forlorn widow. 

Hiram {crossing the room ; aside). No, 'twouldn't do him 
no good if he did try. Takes a pretty strong man to get any 
cents out of her. [Exit, L. 

Mrs. T. I guess you can find the way all right. It's the 
outside kitchen door. I would go along and show you how it 
acts, but I'm in a hurry to get this waist finished, and I can't 
stop to talk. (Looks around ; raises her voice.) Can you 
find it, Hiram? 

Hiram (outside). You bet ! 

Mrs. T. I don't, neither, Hiram Jones. I ain't so fond of 
betting as you are. If I was your wife, I'd put a stop to that. 
I heard you lost fifty cents yesterday to Nate Harlow on some 
foolish bet or other. That true, Hiram? (Pauses. He does 
not answer. She raises her voice.) I said, is it true, Hiram? 

Hiram (outside). Hey? Did you speak to me, Matildy? 

Mrs. T. Yes, I did, and you'd have heard quick enough 
if it had been anything I didn't want you to hear. You needn't 
tell me that with you in the next room and the door open 
between 

Hiram (appearing in doorway, L.). There, Matildy ; there's 
nothing for you to get riled about. If you want that lock 
fixed, I guess 'twill cost you about a quarter. 

Mrs. T. Good land, Hiram, what do you want to charge 
so much for? It won't take you long to do it. I'll give you 
fifteen cents. Won't that be enough? 

Hiram. If you put ten cents with it, it will be. 

Mrs. T. I'll give you twenty cents, and you ought to be 
ashamed to ask any more than that. You ought to remember 
I'm a poor widow, and have to earn my own living. 

Hiram (grinning). Well, you want to remember I'm a 



HIRAM JONES' BET 5 

poor man, and have to earn my own living, and my wife's own 
living, and the own living of my own six children ! 

Mrs. T. Well, good land, Hiram, you're better able to do 
it than I am 

Hiram. Oh, I wasn't hinting to have you take care of my 
wife and six children ! 

Mrs. T. You needn't try to be funny. If you didn't want 
a wife and six children you shouldn't have married them. 

Hiram. Jehoshaphat, Matildy, I didn't marry the children ! 
I always steer clear of widows, and I was warnin' your next 
door neighbor only this morning 

Mrs. T. (with dignity}. Hiram Jones, are you going to fix 
the lock on that door, or aren't you? 

Hiram. You bet, if it's worth a quarter to you. 

Mrs. T. I do not bet ; I never do. Wouldn't you knock 
something off, if I was to give you your supper? 

Hiram. Why, sure ! 

Mrs. T. (eagerly). How much ? 

Hiram. One cent. 

Mrs. T. (in a disgusted tone). Hiram Jones, if you ain't 
the meanest man ! 

Hiram (cheerfully). Never mind, so long as I ain't the 
meanest woman. 

Mrs. T. Think you're smart, don't you ? Well, hurry up 
and fix that door, and don't be any longer about it than you 
can help. (He vanishes.) I don't want the kitchen all chilled 
off, and I suppose you'll think you've got to keep the door 
open an hour or two. Wood's dreadful expensive, and I can't 
afford 

Hiram (looking in). When's it going to be, Matildy? Be- 
fore cold weather, I suppose? 

Mrs. T. What are you talking about? 

Hiram. Why, your next door neighbor's got a big wood 
pile, and I thought you meant if you couldn't afford to buy 
wood 

Mrs. T. (snapping out). I mean it'll be cold weather be- 
fore you get that lock fixed ! 

Hiram. Well, don't forget me when the invitations are out, 
that's all. 

Mrs. T. I shan't invite anybody 

Hiram. Shan't you? You'll get more wedding presents if 
you do. (Disappears.) 

Mrs. T. I do wish you'd stop being so silly, Hiram Jones, 



6 HIRAM JONES BET 

and would hurry up and fix that lock. Next time I'll send for 
some one else to do it, I vum I will. Nate Harlow wouldn't 
spend all his time talking, and he wouldn't charge me so much, 
neither. 

Hiram {looking in). I guess you're going to have com- 
pan-y, Matildy. 

Mrs. T. I hope not; I've got more'n I want now. 

Hiram {soothingly). There, there, Matildy, don't get riled. 
I won't charge you nothing extry for the conversation. I just 
see Clorindy Lane coming down the road, and I bet a cookie 
she's coming here. 

Mrs. T. Land, I hope not ! I can't abide that old maid ; 
always going around everywhere and trying to borrow some- 
thing, and never returning it. Well, there's one thing about 
it, she won't get anything out of me / 

Hiram. Don't you be too sure of that ! Clorindy Lane 
would borrow the ears off a stone post, if she once set out to 
doit. 

Mrs. T. {firmly). Well, she won't borrow anything from 
me. 

Hiram. Want to bet on it, Matildy ? 

Mrs. T. Hiram Jones, I never bet ! 

Hiram. Well, you ain't too old to learn, yet. See here. 
I'll bet you the quarter you're going to give me for fixing your 
lock that Clorindy Lane will go away from here with something 
of yours, and she won't steal it, neither. 

Mrs. T. What if I gave it to her? 

Hiram. No danger of that ! 

Mrs. T. {eagerly). Do you really mean you'll fix that lock 
for nothing, Hiram, if I win the bet? 

Hiram. That's what I will. 

Mrs. T. {hesitating). I never made a bet before in my 
life, but if I could save my quarter — and I know I'll win, for I 
won't lend her anything, or let her steal it, either. I'll do it, 
Hiram ; I vum I will ! 

Hiram. I suppose you think it's all right because you're 
betting on a sure thing. Queer how some folks think betting 
is all proper if you win, but it's dreadful wicked if you lose. 

{Disappears, l.) 

Mrs. T. I suppose I ought not to encourage Hiram, for he 
does bet altogether too much, but I'm only a poor widow, and 



HIRAM JONES* BET 7 

it's really helping the poor if he loses to me, and I do want 
that quarter. Hiram ought to be encouraged to be more char- 
itable, anyhow. {Knock, r.) Come in I 

Enter Miss Clorinda Lane. 

Clo. How are you, Matilda ? I felt rather lonesome this 
afternoon, and I thought presumably you did too, as you also 
live alone, so I decided to bring my embroidery and sit a while 
with you. 

Hiram {looking in l.). Wonder if she's interested in the 
next door neighbor, too ? ( Vanishes, .) 

Mrs. T. Well, I keep so busy I don't have much time to 
be lonesome. I'm a poor widow, and have to sew for my liv- 
ing, and I can't afford to spend my time running around to the 
neighbors, the way some folks do. But sit down, Clorinda, 
won't you? 

Clo. (taking off her hat and shawl, sits down, and takes 
embroidery from her bag). If you're hitting at me, I believe 
in enjoying myself a little as I go along, and being sociable 
with folks, and not stay home and work every minute and 
scrimp and save so as to keep a penny a minute longer. I 
believe in sharing things 

Mrs. T. Other folks' things, you mean ? 

Clo. Why not, if they have more than I ? As I was say- 
ing to Mrs. Deering, whom I met out here 

Mrs. T. (quickly). Mrs. Deering? Is she out here ? 

Clo. Yes ; she was just going by as I turned in at the gate. 

Mrs. T. (jumping up). Why ! I want to speak to her. 
Excuse me a minute, Clorinda. (Exit hastily, r. Calls, out- 
side.) Mrs. Deering ! Wait a minute ! 

Clo. (looking after her). I declare ; I wonder what she's 
so anxious to see Mrs. Deering for? She doesn't hear her, — 
yes, she does. I'll ask her what's the matter when she comes 
back. Meanwhile I might as well make myself at home. 
(Turns, and surveys room.) Well, I declare, Matilda Tripp 
hasn't bought a new carpet yet ! I told her when I was in 
here last spring she needed a new one. I'll wager she threw 
down that little rug so's to cover up the worst of the patches. 
(Picks up rug.) Yes, I thought so. And that rug isn't a 
very nice one, either. Just the size I need to put in front of 
the door in my sitting-room, but it isn't good enough, so I 
guess I won't borrow it. Mrs. White's got a better one, and 



8 HIRAM JONES' BET 

she's always willing to lend. This room looks just as mean 
and scrimpy as ever, don't it ? I don't believe Matilda's 
bought anything new since I was here before. 

Hiram {looking in l. ). Hello, Clorindy ! Looking around 
to see what you can find that's worth borrowing ? 

Clo. (starting, turns). Why, Hiram Jones, how you startled 
me ! I didn't know you were here. 

Hiram. I'm fixing a lock on the kitchen door. I ain't call- 
ing on Matildy for fun, so don't you go to starting that story. 

Clo. (sitting down). Why, Hiram, what a thing to say ! 
I never start stories about any one ! 

Hiram. Well, perhaps not, but I noticed when you was 
calling on my wife the other day you had considerable to say 
about the neighbors. 

Clo. Why, of course I occasionally repeat to my friends 
some things I have heard, in strict confidence, of course. I 
hope I never say anything that isn't true. And if people don't 
want to be talked about, they shouldn't do things that will 
make them talked about. Now, if you hadn't made that foolish 
bet with Nate Harlow yesterday 

Hiram (hastily). Yes, I suppose so. By the way, Clo- 
rindy, have you succeeded in finding one of them newfangled 
egg beaters yet ? You said you wanted to borrow one some- 
where, so's to try it. 

Clo. No, I haven't. Nobody I've asked has got one, and 
I'm real anxious to try one. The Housewife's Helper said 
they were so good. I don't know but I'll have to buy one 
myself, and that seems so wasteful, when I don't know whether 
I'll like it or not. 

Hiram. Well, I guess Matildy's got one. I see one on the 
table out here 

Clo. Oh, has she? Let me see if it's the kind I want ! 

[Exit, l. 

Hiram (looking after her). I thought that would start her 
up, and I'd like to see her borrow something of Matildy. I've 
got to earn that quarter somehow. I don't want to lose another 
bet so soon. 

Clo. (entering). That's just what I want ! How lucky 
you noticed it, Hiram. I'll get Matilda to lend it to me, 
and 

Hiram. Do you think you will? Matildy ain't much on 
lending. 

Clo. I know she isn't, but I must borrow that egg beater. 



HIRAM JONES' BET 9 

Hiram. I bet she won't lend it to you. Want to take me 
up on it ? 

Clo. Why, Hiram Jones, I never bet ! 

Hiram. Well, what of it? 'Twon't do you any harm, just 
this once. See here, now, I'll bet you a quarter Matildy won't 
lend you that egg beater, or anything else, either. 

Clo. Why, Hiram, I think she will. Most folks are will- 
ing to oblige me, after I've talked to them a little while. 

Hiram. Well, I'll bet you a quarter Matildy won't. Come, 
now, a quarter would buy you an egg beater like that for your 
own. 

Clo. (hesitating). I know it, but 

Hiram. What are you afraid of? Afraid you'll lose? 

Clo. No, I'm not ! I wouldn't bet on anything I thought 
I'd lose on. I'm not so foolish as some folks are ! 

Hiram. Well, if you're sure you'll win this, where's the 
harm? It's only a quarter, anyhow, and it's worth that to 
have a little fun. There, I hear Matildy coming back. Come, 
now, will you ? 

Clo. (hesitating). I think it's very foolish, and I never did 
such a thing before, but 

Hiram. All right, it's a go ! There she comes ! Go in 
and win, Clorindy ! (Disappears.) 

Mrs. T. (entering r,). Too bad to leave you alone, Clo- 
rinda, but I wanted to see Mrs. Deering about a dress she 
wanted made. I hope you haven't minded. (Aside.) I bet 
she's been prying around, to see if I've got anything new she 
can borrow. (Sits down and takes up sewing.) 

Clo. Oh, no, I didn't mind. Hiram entertained me beau- 
tifully. 

Mrs. T. I suppose likely. He pretends he's fixing my 
lock, but it always takes Hiram Jones (raising her voice) four 
times as long to do anything as it does anybody else ; he has 
to spend so much time talking. 

Hiram (outside). I can't hear a word you say, Matildy ! 

Mrs. T. No, I suppose not, unless we were saying some- 
thing we didn't want you to hear. 

Hiram (outside). Oh, I ain't listening ! Go ahead with 
your secrets. 

Clo. What a talker Hiram Jones is ! I always get Nate 
Harlow if I want any work done. What's the news up this 
way, anyhow, Matilda? Got anything new lately? 

Mrs. T. No, I don't know as I have; not anything you'd 



10 HIRAM JONES BET 

be interested in. (Aside.) If I tell her I've got one of them 
newfangled egg beaters, she'll want to borrow it, sure. 

Clo. Nothing new for your house? If I had as much 
money as you have, and such a dear little home, I should want 
to try some of these new things that are coming out all the 
time. Have you a vacuum cleaner yet ? 

Mrs. T. No, 1 haven't. 

Clo. You ought to have one ; they are just fine. Mrs. 
White bought a new one last week, the latest kind, and I 
borrowed it the next day to do my cleaning with. It works so 
well I told her I guessed I couldn't return it right away, not 
till I'd finished all my cleaning. 

Mrs. T. (aside). I should think Mrs. White would get 
tired of buying things for Clorinda to borrow. 

Clo. What have you been doing lately, anyhow ? Seems 
as if you must have something new since I was here before. 

Hiram (looking in). She has got one new thing, Clorindy. 

Mrs. T. (aside). Hush, Hiram ! 

Hiram. But I don't know as she'll want to lend it, she 
thinks such a lot of it. 

Clo. Why, what is it? 

Hiram. If you do succeed in borrowing it, you're smarter 
than I think you are. 

Clo. Do tell me what it is ! 

Hiram. It's a new next door neighbor ! 

Mrs. T. Hiram Jones ! 

Hiram. And he's a bachelor, and he's good-looking, and 
he's got a big wood pile, and I bet a quarter Matildy won't 
lend him to anybody ! 

Mrs. T. Hiram Jones, are you going to fix that lock to- 
day, or aren't you ? 

Hiram. There, there, Matildy, don't get impatient, it's 
most done already. (Disappears.) 

Clo. I did hear some one had moved into the house next 
to yours lately. Do tell me about him, Matilda ! 

Mrs. T. There ain't nothing to tell. Hiram Jones is noth- 
ing but a big tease. Say, Clorinda, have you seen them new 

(Her scissors drop ; she stoops to pick t/iem up. ) 

Clo. {quickly). Egg beaters? No, but I saw about them 
in the Housewife 's Helper, and I want to try one. Have you 
got one ? 



HIRAM JONES' BET II 

Mrs. T. Why, I— I— I didn't mean egg beaters; I 
meant 

Clo. Oh, won't you lend it to me? I'll be real careful 
of it. 

Mrs. T. I haven't had time to use it myself yet. I bought 
it only this morning, of a man who came around with things. 

Clo. Well, never mind, I'll be careful of it, and I'll return 
it just as soon as I get through with it. 

Mrs. T. {aside). No telling when that will be ! (Aloud.) 
No, I guess I can't lend it to you just now, Clorinda. I shall 
want to use it myself in the morning. 

Clo. But I'll use it this afternoon, just as soon as I get 
home, and I'll send it right back to you. Do let me take it ! 

Mrs. T. Sorry to disoblige you, Clorinda, but the fact is 
I've made a rule not to lend any of my things any more. It's 
too uncertain when I'll get them back. 

Clo. Do you mean to insinuate, Matilda Tripp, that I keep 
the things I borrow ? 

Mrs. T. No, I didn't say that, and you always do return 
things in the course of time, after you've had all the use you 
want out of them, but I'm not going to lend my things any 
more to anybody. If I buy a thing, I buy it for my own use, 
not for my neighbors'. 

Clo. Yes, I've heard of folks who were too stingy ever to 
want to share anything with anybody. 

Mrs. T. You needn't do any hitting at me, Clorinda Lane ! 
At least I do use my own things, and don't go around trying to 
borrow of all the neighbors. 

Clo. That's all very well for you, for you've got money 
enough to buy what you want, but if you were poor and had 
hard work to get along like 

Mrs. T. What are you talking about, Clorinda? I'm only 
a poor widow, and work for every cent I have. 

Clo. Perhaps you call it working to walk down to the bank 
to draw out your interest, but I don't. It isn't because you're 
so poor you don't want to lend things, I know that. If 'twas 
me, I'd be ashamed to refuse the loan of a little thing like an 
egg beater, when I only wanted just to try it, but I guess Mrs. 
Deering was about right in what she said. 

Mrs. T. What did Mrs. Deering say? 

Clo. Oh, I'm not repeating it. Hiram will be looking in 
and telling me it's gossip. 

Mrs. T. Never mind Hiram. I asked you, what did Mrs. 



12 HIRAM JONES' BET 

Deering say ? (Clo. puts her lips together and looks knowing.) 
Clorinda Lane, you tell me what Mrs. Deering said. 

Clo. I wouldn't be too anxious to know, if I was you. 
Folks wouldn't always like to know what was said about them. 

Mrs. T. Now see here, Clorinda, if you think you can sit 
here in my own house and insult me like that 

Clo. I haven't said a word, Matilda. And I'm not going 
to sit here any longer, either. {Gathers up her work.) I'm 
going over to see Mrs. Deering, to see if she's got one of them 
new egg beaters, and if she has, she won't refuse to oblige a 
poor neighbor, I know. 

Mrs. T. (politely). You needn't hurry, Clorinda. {Aside.) 
I suppose she'll go over there and tell her all manner of stuff 
about me. 

Clo. I hadn't seen much of you lately, and I thought I'd 
be neighborly again, but I guess I've wasted my time. I hope 
I haven't borrowed too many of your precious minutes. I 
know you wouldn't lend me any if you could help it. By the 
way, do you happen to know if your next door neighbor has 
one of those new egg beaters ? 

Mrs. T. Why, I— I 

Clo. Where did you buy yours? 

Mrs. T. Of a man who came around this morning. 

Clo. Stopped next door, did he? Well, anyhow, it won't 
do any harm for me to stop and inquire. 

(Rises, begins to put on hat and shawl.) 

Mrs. T. Why, — why, Clorinda, I shouldn't think you'd 
want to stop there. 

Hiram {looking in). Guess Matildy's getting anxious. 

Clo. I'd like to know why not, Matilda Tripp. If one of 
my neighbors is too stingy to lend me what I want, I'd like to 
know why I haven't a right to try somewhere else. Well, I 
must be going. ( Turns toward door, R.) 

Mrs. T. (aside). She'll go there and tell him I'm stingy. 
(Aloud.) Wait a minute, Clorinda. I — I don't think he's 
home. 

Clo. It won't take long for me to find out. Of course, if 
I'd got one anywhere else, I shouldn't bother to stop there, but 
I'm not going home till I've done my best to get one of them 
egg beaters. 

Hiram (looking in; aside). Keep it up, Clorinda; I guess 
you'll get it. 



HIRAM JONES' BET 13 

Mrs. T. Well, I — I — I should think you'd be ashamed, 
Clorinda Lane, to try to borrow an egg beater of a perfect 
stranger ! 

Clo. I don't know why; it's only being neighborly, and 
I'd be willing to lend him anything I've got. I'll tell him so, 
too. Poor man, living all alone, there must be lots of things 
he'd like to borrow, especially as he can't be all settled yet, and 
my house isn't so very far the other side of his. It's time I 
began to be neighborly, and I don't know why I didn't think 
of it sooner. 

Mrs. T. You needn't trouble yourself, Clorinda. He can 
borrow all that's necessary from here. 

Clo. From here ? Why, Matilda, you said just a minute 
ago you'd made a rule not to lend anything to anybody; that 
you bought things for your own use, not for your neighbors'. 

Mrs. T. (corifused). Well, I — I meant {Hesitates.') 

Hiram (looking in, chuckling ; aside). She's got you there, 
Matildy ! 

Clo. Nobody ever called me stingy, I'm thankful to say. 
I don't feel as if I'd got to hold on to everything so tight I 
can't ever oblige a poor neighbor. But then we aren't all made 
alike, I suppose. But I mustn't stand here talking, borrowing 
your time. (Turns toward door, r.) 

Mrs. T. Don't hurry, Clorinda 1 You — you aren't really 
going to stop in next door, are you ? 

Clo. Indeed I am ! Why not ? 

Mrs. T. (aside). I wouldn't care, only I know she'll tell 
him all manner of stuff about me, and he won't know but what 
it's true. (Aloud.) I — I've been thinking, Clorinda, and I 
guess, maybe, seeing it's you, I'll break over my rule this once, 
and let you take my egg beater. 

Hiram (looking in, l.). Clorindy's got the best of it ! 

Mrs. T. (turning toward door, l., seeing Hiram). Oh, you 
there yet, Hiram ? 

Hiram. You bet ! You don't think I'll go till I get my 
pay, do you ? 

Mrs. T. (aside). Good land o' Goshen, I forgot all about 
that bet ! Why, I can't let Hiram win ! (Turns back toward 
Clo., hesitates, looks back at Hiram.) And I don't want Clo- 
rinda to stop in next door. What'll I do ? 

Hiram. Don't hesitate on my account, Matildy, if you want 
to lend your new egg beater. I know you ain't much on lend- 
ing, but it does folks good to get a surprise once in a while. 



14 HIRAM JONES BET 

Mrs. T. Well, — you see I forgot about — — 

Clo. If you don't want to lend it after all, Matilda, don't 
bother. I guess I can get one somewhere else. 

Mrs. T. No, you can't, neither. I'll let you take it, if 
you'll bring it back to-morrow. \_Exit, l. 

Hiram. Did it, didn't you, Clorinda? Good for you ! It 
takes a pretty smart woman to get anything out of her. 

Mrs. T. {entering with egg beater). Here 'tis, Clorinda, 
and I hope you'll be careful of it. I'll put it in this paper 
bag. 

Hiram. Your lock's fixed, Matildy, so if you'll pay me that 
fifty cents you owe me, I guess I'll walk along with Clorindy. 

Mrs. T. What's that, Hiram ? 'Twasn't but a quarter. I 
made the bargain before you begun. 

Hiram. Oh, but you've lost your bet, so there's a quarter 
more. 

Mrs. T. (looking startled). Why, it is not ! 

Hiram. You bet it is ! You'd have made me pay up, if 
I'd lost. 

Clo. If you are talking about bets, you can just settle with 
me, Hiram Jones. You lost your bet with me, if you please. 

Mrs. T. Why, Clorinda Lane, have you been betting, too ? 

Clo. I don't believe you'd better say anything about that, 
Matilda Tripp. I don't know what your bet was about, but I 
should judge you've lost, and I hope that'll show you the error 
of your ways. But /won, and I'd be obliged if you'd pay me, 
Hiram, and perhaps you'll know better than to do such a silly 
thing next time. 

Hiram. I — I — well, I haven't lost anything, anyhow, for I 
won from Matildy. Hand it over, Matildy, so I can pay my 
debts. 

Clo. Yes, hurry up, Matilda, I'm in a hurry. I'll take the 
egg beater. {Reaches for it.) 

Mrs. T. (putting it behind her back). Wait a minute. Do 
you mean to say, Hiram Jones, that I've got to pay you a 
quarter and pay for fixing that lock besides ? 

Hiram. You bet ! 

Mrs. T. Well, I won't ! 

Hiram. Very well, then, I won't take the law on you, but 

I'll tell the whole story all over town. 

Mrs T ) 

P ' [■ (together). Oh, you mustn't, Hiram ! 

Hiram (grinning). Mustn't I? All right, pay up, then. 



HIRAM JONES BET 15 

Mrs. T. I won't, neither ! Here, Clorinda. I'll give you 
the egg beater ! (Holds it out.) You needn't ever bring it 
back. 

Clo. (taking it). Oh, thank you, Matilda ! You're much 
more generous than I expected. 

Hiram. Well, I vum ! 

Clo. (turning toward him). And now, Hiram, if you'll 
just pay me that quarter, I'll be going. 

Hiram. What? I don't owe you no quarter. 

Clo. Certainly you do. Didn't you say I wouldn't leave 
here with anything of Matilda's? She lent it to me first, be- 
fore she gave it to me, didn't she? 

Hiram. Well, of all 

Mrs. T. But I did give it to her, so you can't say she left 
the house with anything I'd lent her. So where's my quarter, 
Hiram ? 

(Holds out hand. She stands at his left.) 

Clo. Yes, Hiram, where's my quarter ? 

(Holds out hand. She is on his right.) 

Hiram. Well, I vum ! You can't both have won ! 

Clo. Well, what I'd like to know is 

Mrs. T. If we didn't win it 

All (together). Who did win that bet ? 



CURTAIN 



R. m* Pinero's Plays 

Price, 50 eeits Cacb 



MID f HANNF1 Pllty in Four Acts - Six males, five females. 
miu-tllrtmiLL Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. 
Plays two and a half hours. 

THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH STMK 

males, Ave females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. 
Plays a full evening. 

THF PROFIIflATF Play in Four Acts. Seven males, five 
lllLi 1 UVlLluniL females. Scenery, three interiors, rather 
elaborate ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF ^fHfini MKTRFW Faroe in Three Acts. Nine males, 
IflEi O^nWWLlTHOlIVCOO Beven females. Costumes, mod- 
ern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY SgFEEtffc 

'females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a 
full evening. 

<JWFFT I AVFNnFR Comedvin Three Acts. Seven males, 
OTTLiL.1 Lr\VLllULI\ four females. Scene, a single interior, 
costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF THITNnFRRHIT Comedv in Pour Acts. Ten males, 
IUL, 1 UUillSL.rVDl7L.l nine females. Scenery, three interi- 
ors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF TIMFS Comedy in Pour Acts. Six males, seven females. 
'nt 1 UYlEiO Scene, a single interior ; nistumes, modern. T'lays 
a full evening. 

THF WFAKTR ^FY Comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, 
1 flEi TT Cr\lVCI\ OLA eight females. Costumes, modern ; 
scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. 

A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE Five males 1 , four females! 

Costumes, modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Salter & pafeer & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

I VIII llll Hill mini 1 

016 102 799 6 • 



Cfje ^tlltam barren Ctatton 
of $iaps 

$vitt t 15 €tnt$ €acf> 



AS Yflll I IKT IT Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four 
A J Ivl) Lflllly II females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- 
ried. Plays a full evening. 

C AlHIl I F Drama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- 
V/tl'lILiLL tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 

IKTfiOMAR -P^y in Fi ve Acts. Thirteen males, three females. 
lllUUlTlftl\ Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. 

MARY STUART Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four fe- 
1T1AIV1 O IUAH1 males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the 
period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. 

THP MPDPHANT ftP VPVIfP Comedy in Five Acts. Seventeen 
1IIC LUdtWllAHl Vr TEMWC males, three females. Costumes, 
picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a frill evening. 

RICHFT IFII Pl avin Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- 
I\lvllLL<lLU er y elaborate; costumes of the period. Plays a full 



mRIVAI S Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. 
HlTrtL,J Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a 
full evening. 

• 

JUL, MuUl J 1W WUINyDcK males, "four females. Scenery va- 
ried ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. 

TWELFTH NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL fiffttS; 

three females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, varied. Plays a 
full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Salter 1^, OBafter & Compart? 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



